Name: The Burning Man Orgy Dome.
Age: 22 years old.
Appearance: Roughly hemispherical.
What is it? Exactly what it sounds like: a designated orgy location at the Burning Man festival, now under way in the Nevada desert.
In a dome? It’s really more of a tent.
What’s it like inside? According to the dome’s website, it’s “a sex-positive, consensual space for couples and moresomes to play.”
What does that mean? It means it’s full of mattresses, apparently.
Can anyone go in? You have to turn up with a consenting partner or partners, but otherwise yes.
And it’s popular? About 5,000 people passed through during last year’s festival.
I’m amazed that many people want to attend an orgy in the middle of a desert. It’s also air-conditioned, so that helps.
How do you maintain any kind of erotic charge under those conditions? Through a rigorous regime of long queues, consent form-filling and hand sanitiser. Former participants also recommend gloves, because the desert sand gets, well, everywhere.
It sounds like an absolute nightmare. Don’t worry, none of that will be repeated this year.
How can you be sure? Because the Orgy Dome blew away just as the festival began.
What do you mean, blew away? “Our build team worked so hard this past week to erect our lovely space,” the Orgy Dome team posted on Instagram.
Fnar. “Unfortunately,” they continued, “the winds yesterday undid all that labor and wrecked our structure.”
Any other casualties? Yes. Dust storms ripped through the Burning Man site, destroying camps and installations and injuring at least four people.
Sounds like another great festival disaster, like that one on that island. You’re referring to Fyre Festival, the 2017 luxury music event that went so wrong it spawned two documentaries and earned one organiser six years in prison.
And it all started with a simple spelling mistake. Then there are all those years at Glastonbury when peace, love and rock’n’roll were replaced by rivers of mud.
Honestly, who would put on a music festival? Even Burning Man has had its share of past troubles: in 2023 a tropical storm stranded 70,000 people on the site.
Is there no chance of getting the dome up and running this year? Probably not, but the organisers are still hoping to arrange some workshops.
A workshop is not an orgy, as I have previously learned to my cost. Every day is a school day.
Do say: “We welcome the combination of love in all its forms – just not this year.”
Don’t say: “If you happen to see a tornado made of condoms, text us.”
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