If the last few days have taught us anything at all, then it is this: if you want Quentin Tarantino to open up about anything, invite him on to a podcast called The Church of Tarantino. This is what happened recently, and the slew of new information offered up has been remarkable.
Thanks to the podcast appearance, we know which of his movies he likes the best (Inglourious Basterds), why he didn’t make The Movie Critic (it would have been too easy) and who the best director is (him, along with David Fincher). And now comes the most exciting news of all – there will soon be a Tarantino West End play. Tarantino told the podcast that “the play is all written. It is absolutely the next thing I’m going to do. We’ll start the ball rolling on it in January … It’s probably going to take up a year and a half to two years of my life.”
In truth, this news doesn’t come as a total surprise. As per the myth he has built around himself, Tarantino’s next movie will be his last. As a way to prolong his career as a film director, he has recently turned his hand to other mediums. He has written books, both fiction and nonfiction, and a script for a Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood sequel that will be directed by Fincher. And now a play.
At present, very few details about Tarantino’s West End debut are available. But using what’s known about both Tarantino and the West End landscape, this is more than enough for some rampant speculation.
Option one: a musical
Music has always been integral to Tarantino’s work as a director, plus musicals are the bread and butter of the West End, so it makes perfect sense that this would be his first option. Imagine a version of Reservoir Dogs where the cast walks out on stage in slow motion belting out a chorus of Little Green Bag, or Mr Blonde performs a soaring version of Stuck in the Middle With You as he hacks that guy’s ear off. Wouldn’t that be great?
Or maybe he’d rather start a new musical from scratch. One of the surest ways to make a fortune is to produce a jukebox musical centred around the work of a popular artist. Tarantino must be aware that Mamma Mia! has grossed almost £5bn globally since it debuted. All he’d need to do is pick a singer, string a loose plot based on the titles of their best-known songs and the money would automatically start rolling in. Picture this: Quentin Tarantino Presents the Shape of You, Based on the Music of Ed Sheeran. People would watch that, right?
Option two: a murder mystery
Tarantino has long been able to build a story around specific locations, be it Los Angeles for Once Upon a Time or Japan for Kill Bill. When you think about the history of the West End, you tend to think of The Mousetrap. Wouldn’t it make sense for Tarantino’s work to pay tribute to the heritage of London theatre by making a detective story of his own? It’s a sure way to secure one’s legacy. Just think, 70 years from now the play could still be performed to endless coachloads of elderly tourists and dozing schoolchildren.
Option three: a movie adaptation
Currently showing in the West End are plays based on Harry Potter, The Devil Wears Prada, Hercules, The Lion King, Clueless and Back to the Future. The message here is clear: if you want your play to get bums on seats, then adapt it from a film that people are vaguely nostalgic about. Might I be so bold as to suggest that Tarantino tries his hand at a Maid in Manhattan musical? There’s plenty of room for him to flex his dramatic muscles – the moment where Jennifer Lopez reveals that she was actually a maid all along, probably some other bits – while ensuring that the play is a financial success. Sure, he’d need to make sure that his fingerprints are all over it, so perhaps he could rewrite the ending to have the Lopez character slitting someone’s throat, but it’s worth considering.
Option four: a comedy
Actually, this is probably where this is all heading. Tarantino has spoken of his desire to write a comic play in the past, saying that he’s intrigued by the challenge of making the audience part of the story. If that’s the case, then the West End is wide open for him. Maybe he could make The Play That Goes Wrong (Because a Gunfight Breaks Out and Everyone Dies in Screaming Blood-Soaked Agony)?
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