Natalie Morales on Show Exit

[This story contains major spoilers from the season 22 premiere of Grey’s Anatomy, “Only the Strong Survive.”]

Natalie Morales has just joined a very exclusive club: the dead Grey’s Anatomy doctors club.

Throughout the two-decade run of the venerable ABC medical drama, creator Shonda Rhimes and her showrunning successors have become infamous for killing off doctors in the most devastating ways — so much so that the hospital was once nicknamed “Seattle Grace Mercy Death” before being renamed after two dearly departed characters, Chyler Leigh’s Lexie Grey and Eric Dane’s Mark Sloan, in season nine.

In Thursday night’s season 22 premiere, which picks up in the immediate aftermath of yet another big explosion that wiped out most of the OR floor, the teaching hospital claimed another casualty: Morales’ Dr. Monica Beltran, who died of internal bleeding after the blast caused a heavy operating light to fall on her pelvis.

Dr. Beltran had recurred for the last two seasons as a top attending pediatric surgeon who had endeared herself to Drs. Amelia Shepherd (Caterina Scorsone) and Winston Ndugu (Anthony Hill), but her exit was built around her protégée, Dr. Jules Millin (Adelaide Kane), who, after surviving the blast herself and being trapped in the OR, managed to successfully complete a pediatric surgery on her own with Dr. Beltran’s verbal assistance.

When she sat down with the rest of her writers room to decide which character should die in the premiere, showrunner Meg Marinis told The Hollywood Reporter that she considered “the chain reaction” of “each character’s death and what that does for the show, what that does for other characters and what stories can be told from that death.”

In the end, “I wanted to see someone die selflessly saving someone else’s life, and she was not only saving that little kid on the table — she was saving Jules. It really speaks to the kind of character Monica was,” Marinis says. But that doesn’t mean she wanted to kill Morales off: “I didn’t want to. It was very difficult. It was very painful. I cried on that phone call.”

Below, Morales opens up to THR about how she worked with Marinis to craft her poignant (but admittedly, expected) Grey’s exit, how she thinks Monica’s death will affect Jules and Amelia going forward, and what she would say to fans who will inevitably be disappointed that Monica met her demise before she could explore the prospect of a romantic relationship with Amelia.

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At what point between seasons did Meg Marinis call you up to inform you that she was going to kill off Beltran in the premiere, and what was your reaction?

At the end of last season, none of us knew who was going to make it or not. But I was like, “It’s probably me [who dies]. I’m the newest one. I’m not a series regular. There’s a lot of people in that cast.” Then they called me and asked me to be in this season and to do this episode. And when Meg called me, I was like, “Oh, I thought I for sure I was going to be the one you were going to kill off.” And she was like, “Well …” (Laughs.) So that’s how I found out.

I wasn’t too surprised, but I was surprised and also excited to have a big, dramatic Grey’s death. That seemed fun. I have really enjoyed working with the people on this show, so it’s a little bit sad in that sense. Could they have dragged out my death two or three episodes? Sure. But I understand why they did it, and I think Meg is such a talented writer and showrunner, and I understood the storyline. It made sense to me, as somebody who watches the show.

Meg said that once she broke that difficult news to you, the two of you went through all of Monica’s scenes leading up to her death and you were able to give her feedback that she incorporated into the episode. What conversations did you have with her about Monica’s exit, and what notes did you give?

Meg is so collaborative. Throughout my time on the show, I didn’t really give her a lot of notes, because she is just great. I think “notes” is a strong word, because I’m not the studio. It was more like, “Hey, what do you think about this? Or, how do you want me to play this? And, what’s the best way to convey what you want to convey?”

I knew with this episode that they wanted to do a misdirect with this death [by making audiences believe it was Chris Carmack’s Link who was going to die]. I was like, “What’s the best way for us to achieve that while also on second watch knowing what’s happening and that Monica knows what’s happening, what should her final words be?” Not that they needed to be so poignant that they give away what’s going to happen, but maybe not something like, “Can you give me a hot dog?” (Laughs.) Not that that’s what Meg had written, but you know what I’m saying? So that was part of our conversations.

And this was already in there, but we talked about how to acknowledge the relationship that her and Jules had built over time and where it was going to go after this.

Despite being trapped under the debris, Monica manages to verbally walk Jules through the rest of the pediatric surgery — to the point that Jules saves this kid on her own. There’s something poignant about Monica’s final words being that Jules didn’t need her anymore, because she had effectively completed a solo surgery on her own. When do you think Monica realized she wasn’t going to make it?

We talked about this with the incredible medical team at Grey’s. [Medical consultants and producers] Michael [Metzner] and Linda [Klein] were so helpful, and Michael, in particular, was the one I talked to the most about this. There’s a point in the middle of this episode where she tries again to push this operating light off of herself, and what’s happened medically, as far as I was told, is that she’s pinned down by this and the second she moves, it shifts stuff, and then she starts bleeding internally and she starts to feel that because she knows what the symptoms are.

So after that point is when she knows what’s happening. But she also knows she can’t tell Jules because she needs Jules to finish, and she probably is hoping [the firefighters] will rescue her in time. She’s like, “I can’t have this person already predisposed to panic to panic more. I need her to finish the surgery.” She’s just trying to keep it together as much as she can, and hopefully someone will rescue her. But if they don’t, she’s going to try and save that little boy’s life until her dying breath, and Jules is as well.

Was there something in particular you wanted to capture about Monica in her final moments?

I haven’t seen the episode, so I don’t know exactly how it will play, and I hope it plays this way: The important thing, for me, was in those last moments for her to acknowledge the other people she loves in that hospital. The fact that she doesn’t know what happened outside those doors, and that she hopes the people she loves — Amelia, Winston, all these people she became very close with outside of this operating room — she hopes they’re all OK. That was important because I think Monica is a character written from the beginning very selflessly. She is kind of no-nonsense, and says what she means, but she always puts her patients and the people she cares about before herself, and it was important for her to end that way, too.

How do you think Monica’s death will affect Amelia and Jules individually going forward?

I hope they’re miserable. I hope they go crazy and they can’t live with themselves. I hope that they talk about Monica for seasons to come. I hope that I haunt them and I can come back and do some weird episodes as a ghost. That’s what I hope. (Laughs.)

Unfortunately, Monica’s death will likely reignite talks of the infamous “bury your gays” trope, and some viewers who had been rooting for Monica to get together with Amelia will certainly be upset about this outcome. What would you say to fans who will be left heartbroken about your character’s untimely demise?

Well, “I’m sorry,” is my first message. My second message is, “I’m not the writer. I don’t have anything to do with it, so don’t blame me.” And my third message is that it’s totally valid for people to ship characters and want things. But in life, sometimes people have missed connections. There were moments where Monica and Amelia missed each other, and Monica was like, “Hey, are you OK?” And Amelia kind of shot her down, and vice versa. I think the bigger takeaway is that life is short, and you gotta take those moments because someone you love — or potentially could love — could die, or not be around, or could have another thing. That’s a very realistic thing that happens.

I think maybe Amelia or Monica should have taken one of those opportunities, but I also think it’s realistic they didn’t because they were in different points in their lives and different situations. I also think that, ultimately, a romantic relationship, maybe wasn’t the best that they could do. The best that they could do was be really, really great colleagues and friends and doctors in this situation, and they did that really successfully and really well. They saved people’s lives — and is there anything better than saving people’s lives together? I think there are other parts about their relationship that were successful and that means something.

But if there’s a lesson in that, I think it’s to shoot your shot, and don’t waste the opportunities you’re given. Again, I’m not the writer. I don’t know what the intentions were behind how that was framed, and I don’t know, obviously in Amelia’s history, what is right for her and what’s right for her in the future. This wasn’t meant for her in a romantic sense. Monica was also just getting out of a divorce. She was not ready for a relationship. No matter what Amelia was ready for, I don’t think Monica was in the place for something serious, which is maybe what Amelia wanted. So I understand why they were shipped and why people wanted them together. I totally get that, but I think it’s also a realistic thing in life that sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.

Even though you only recurred on the show for two seasons, what will you miss most about playing Monica?

Technically three. I was in this season! (Laughs.)

That’s true! Let’s say you were in two and a bit.

Yeah. (Laughs.) I will miss getting to look like I know what I’m doing. That was really fun, to be a very well-respected doctor/surgeon that people would be like, “Have you heard about [Beltran]? She’s the best pediatric surgeon in the West.” And I’d just stroll in and people would respect me! But, really, I will miss the crew and cast and people I got to work with there a lot. They were all very welcoming and wonderful and really sweet people. I will miss that a lot, and I hope the fans don’t take it out on me. I really loved the people I got to interact with. It’s a very big fandom, and I try really hard not to ever read the comments. But sometimes they do reach me and sometimes people tag me, and everybody’s been so sweet and nice, and I’m thankful for that.

Did you get a chance to take home anything from the set to commemorate your time on Grey’s?

The wardrobe department gave me the bra I wore. (Laughs.) And Monica, who did my makeup — her name is also Monica — gave me some of the makeup she used on me. But I should have kept a stethoscope or something.

I’m calling it out right now on The Hollywood Reporter that ABC and Grey’s and Shondaland should give me a stethoscope or something to commemorate. You know how SNL has the five-timers club? I feel like there should be a dead Grey’s Anatomy doctor club, and I wonder if they all have something that they share — some sort of plaque like, “I DIED ON GREY’S ANATOMY.” I need a plaque that says I died on Grey’s Anatomy, I guess.

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Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 10/9c on ABC. Episodes stream the next day on Hulu. Read THR’s interview with showrunner Meg Marinis.