Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My mother and my older sister, “Laura,” have always had a difficult relationship. Recently, my mother called me, absolutely beside herself. The reason was that she learned through the grapevine that Laura has an OnlyFans account. Laura is a single mom to a 5-year-old son and does what she can to get by because my nephew’s dad is a worthless deadbeat. But what really has me concerned is what my mother wants to do now.
She says she wants to call CPS on Laura because she believes this makes her an unfit parent. Do I owe my sister a heads-up, or do I need to stay out of this one?
—Mind Your Own Flipping Business, Mom!
Dear MYOFBM,
Not only do you owe your sister a heads-up, you owe it to her to try and convince your mother that this is a horrible idea. Explain to her that many sex workers (yes, your sister is a sex worker, and that’s OK) raise children without exposing them to their professional activities. OnlyFans should be regarded as any other job, and if she’s so concerned, she can confirm with your sister that she only shoots content when her son isn’t around. Remind her that Laura is raising a child with no assistance and that OnlyFans can provide her a way to make a comfortable life for her son. Let her know that while CPS is unlikely to remove a child from their home over this, that if they did, life would certainly be no easier for her grandson; does she want to see him potentially placed in foster care? Don’t give your mom a pass here; argue her down as best as you can about the absurdity of her plan. Let your sister know what your mother has said so that she can be prepared if CPS does, in fact, launch an investigation Be prepared to attest to her character, if necessary.
—Jamilah
More Parenting Advice From Slate
My husband and I usually have sex in the evening, for unsurprising reasons (“day is done, let’s have fun,” etc.), but we like to be able to do it whenever the mood strikes us. We have a 12-year-old son, and usually if my husband’s home, my son is home too. I want to know how to go about having sex when our son is home, now that he’s a bit older. Usually we make sure he’s busy doing something (video games or whatnot), or we’ll tell him that “we’re going to have a talk” in the bedroom and that we need privacy. He accepts all of this and doesn’t question it. Is it a big deal that we have sex at home while, say, he’s reading in the next room? We’re not particularly loud, but I don’t know what sounds carry through the walls. I just want to be considerate, and not potentially scar him or whatever.
