Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
I’ve had a very eventful year. At the beginning of 2025, my long-term relationship ended, and after a few months, I decided to move out of state.
Just before moving, I started a GLP-1 weight loss drug, and I have successfully lost most of the pandemic weight I’d been packing on (yay!). The problem is I’m flying back to my hometown for a visit soon, and I’m quite sure my visible weight loss will be an uncomfortable topic of conversation.
My mom has suffered from undiagnosed eating disorders since I was a child, and my aunt, who I’m very close to, is a bit of a fitness and health nut. My aunt has made negative comments about weight loss drugs, suggesting people should “just get off the couch and exercise.” Because of the way my mom and aunt have always talked about fatness and weight loss, I very much do not want to talk to them about my body or disclose that I lost the weight via a GLP-1 drug. I’m otherwise pretty open about my journey to friends who ask. I think it’s helpful for people to know the drugs do work (at least for me!) and don’t think everyone can lose weight via willpower alone, as I certainly couldn’t. What do you think the best approach will be to talk about it as little as possible with my family? I’m anticipating compliments and questions about how I lost the weight.
—I Was Pretty (and Fit!) When I Was Fat, Too
Dear Pretty and Fit,
You are feeling good about your body and health, and you’re visiting people whom you love (even if you might not always like everything about them that much). This should be a good time. So it’s really too bad that this upcoming visit is becoming a source of stress because of all of the baggage and judgment you’re going to have to navigate. It’s hard to have fun and difficult to connect with people when you’re on edge. How can you relax when you’re constantly bracing to hear a comment that will agitate you, chip away at your self-esteem, or take you right back to being a child, confused about why you’re hearing adults obsess over their bodies and the bodies of strangers?
I definitely understand that you want to avoid feeling that way. And if you really think the best way forward is to avoid any conversations about your body, you should warn your mom and aunt before you show up. They’ve been obsessing out loud about weight for your entire life, so it’s only fair to give them some time to adjust to the idea that their typical remarks will be unwelcome. Here’s a text to send to the two of them: “Hi Mom and Aunt Barbara, I can’t wait to see you! I wanted to give you a heads up that when you see me, you’re probably going to notice that I’ve lost a few pounds. I know we’ve always talked about weight a lot, but lately, having a lot of attention on the way my body has changed has made me uncomfortable, so I’d rather not discuss it at all. I thought I’d let you know before I arrived. Thanks for understanding, and of course, we’ll have a lot of other things to catch up on!”
But I have to say, banning discussion of your weight loss might shine even more of a spotlight on the change. Putting the topic in a category all to itself sort of elevates it to something with special importance. It gives it a lot of energy. And you’re still going to be acutely aware of what they’re noticing, what they’re thinking, and what they’re talking about when you leave. So I wonder if you’d be willing to engage in a brief exchange in which you take control of the narrative instead, responding to any remarks and pointedly— but still breezily and briefly—setting a new tone. Using this approach could go something like this:
Mom: Wow, you’ve lost weight!
You: I have.
Mom: You look great! I’m so happy for you! I need to lose more, too. I’m on this new diet where you just eat between the hours of—
You: Thanks, I do feel good in my body now, but I also felt good before, and I know my weight could always change again, so I’m trying not to obsess over it. It just feels sad to think about diets and food all the time. Anyway! Something more exciting that’s going on in my life right now is…
Aunt: Wow, you’ve lost weight. You didn’t do it the lazy way, did you?
You: I have to be honest, I was worried about having this conversation before coming here. It’s a personal topic that carries a lot of emotional weight for me after growing up in this family, and I don’t really feel like getting into it. How is your watercolor class going?
Or
Aunt: Wow, you’ve lost weight. You didn’t do it the lazy way, did you?
You: I actually did take GLP-1s. I know you don’t approve and I don’t want to have a conversation that’s going to hurt my feelings. So for the sake of our relationship and having a good time, let’s set the topic aside.
Or
Aunt: Wow, you’ve lost weight. You didn’t do it the lazy way, did you?
You: Please tell me you’ve set aside a ticket for me.
Aunt: …
You: For the ceremony!
Aunt: …
You: The one where you’ll be honored and receive a big check for losing weight without GLP-1s.
Aunt: What?
You: Oh, wait, are you saying nobody will be giving you a lifetime achievement award for losing weight without modern medicine? That’s too bad for you because I know it’s a huge point of pride. But I hope doing it your way made you happy.
Classic Prudie
I rent half of a duplex where the garages are in the back with a shared driveway. I also have the shaded side yard. Recently, a young family moved into the other unit and continues to make my life hell. The kids leave their toys and scooters right in the middle of the driveway so when I have to go to work, I have to get out of my car to move all their stuff. The kids will play in my side yard screaming bloody murder and messing with my plants and patio furniture. They have already broken two expensive pots…
