My brother-in-law just did something wildly dangerous because it’s “his Christian duty.” I want my sister and nephew out of there.

Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here.

Dear Prudence,

My sister is married to a fundamentalist Christian idiot. Three weeks ago, he brought a homeless man to live with them because “it’s their Christian duty.” “Homeless Hank” has so far stolen from them, urinated on a neighbor’s lawn, used drugs in their home, and brought in shady people who have commenced turning their place into a drug den. It would be bad enough if it were just the two of them, but they have an 8-month-old baby and I fear for his safety. I’ve told my sister she and my nephew are free to move in with me any time and stay as long as they need to, but she says it’s her “duty” to obey her husband. What are my options for keeping my nephew safe?

—Your Son is in Danger

Dear Danger,

Throughout this summer, I’ve had several recent occasions to tell letter-writers to refrain from calling CPS on neighbors whose kids ride bikes alone or sometimes forget to put their swimsuits on. My message is always that this agency is busy with kids who are actually in danger from things like, well, exactly what you’ve described here—living in a drug den. If the situation is as bad as you say, you need to tell your sister that if she doesn’t get your nephew out of there, you’ll call the authorities for help.

Dear Prudence,

This may be none of my business, but a new family just moved in a few doors down from me. They have a toddler and a 7-year-old, “Jackson.” Jackson has become friends with another child in the neighborhood, “Doug,” who is a year older. The thing is that Doug is the neighborhood terror and has been responsible for things ranging from petty vandalism (sprayed shaving cream all over a neighbor’s porch) to animal cruelty (kicked a Maltese when it got too close to him). Should I alert Jackson’s parents before Doug can get their son in trouble or act as a bad influence?

—Duty to Warn

Dear Duty to Warn,

How do you even know all this? Are you keeping files on the behavior of all the neighborhood kids? You are a true busybody. I completely understand that you want to protect Jackson from falling in with the wrong first grade crowd, and I don’t want to minimize that kicking a dog is bad. But please refrain from making a report. Kids who are troublemakers don’t deserve to be cut off from friendship for the rest of their lives, plus, for all we know, Doug’s neighborhood terror phase could be coming to an end, or Jackson could even be a good influence on him. And if Doug truly is the worst and most destructive kid ever, rest assured that the new family will pick up on that within a couple of hours and make their own decision about future playdates.

You already knew when you wrote that this wasn’t your business, and you still really wanted to get involved. So I’d like to help you do more than just use all your self-restraint to avoid being a tattletale. The feeling that’s the core of your letter—a desire to help out a local family and help a kid stay out of trouble—is a really great one, and I wonder if you could poke around and try to find an outlet for it. Tutoring, mentoring, or helping out in a classroom or at a local Boys and Girls’ Club might be a fit for you. Or, if my impression that your tolerance for childish behavior/misbehavior is not the highest is correct, you could stay at arm’s length and sponsor a family who needs some help. This might free up some of their time and resources to focus on their own little Doug or Jackson.

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Dear Prudence,

I am an addict, and full abstinence is the thing that worked for me, as much as I’d like to be the type of person who could do “California sober.” I have just passed eight years of sobriety and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I can’t trust my instincts, so I am here to get an outside perspective.

I still drank when I met my wife and for a few years after, but was coming to the realization that I could not have a healthy relationship with alcohol. She was … strangely unsupportive, often complaining about having to drink alone. I think this came from a place of ignorance. If you are able to have a drink or two and not have that turn into 10 or 20 and a trail of destruction, then maybe it’s hard to see how that is.

Recently, her alcohol use is increasing, seemingly as a reaction to stress at work. She will usually just have one glass of wine or a cocktail, occasionally two, and very rarely three. But it has got to the point where it is nearly every night. Compared to how I used to drink, part of me says I can’t really comment, but another part feels this is insidious and using it as a coping mechanism is not good. I’d appreciate your insight.

—Can’t Trust My Brain

Dear Can’t Trust,

It’s good to self-reflect before you start nitpicking a spouse’s behavior, so I appreciate what you’re doing when you say you can’t comment on your wife’s intake because of how you used to drink. But it’s actually okay to acknowledge that her relationship with alcohol is nothing like yours was and also be transparent about how you’re feeling. You’re not a prosecutor trying to form an airtight case against her and anticipate any weaknesses in your argument—you’re her life partner and you two are on the same team. So hopefully she wants to hear about what’s on your mind. Plus, it’s not an attack to say “I don’t know if I’m overreacting but there’s something I’ve been thinking about ….”

That said, before you sit down and talk with her, you should make sure you’re clear in your own mind about what your issue is. Is it that you’re noting that her drinking is increasing little by little, and wondering if that’s going to continue? Are you concerned that she’s drinking not socially or because she has a passion for wine, but to cope with stress from work, and that could lead to dependency or ultimately increase her anxiety? Or is your gripe with how her behavior changes or how her alcohol assumption affects your time together? Be specific, and be honest. And when it comes to this conversation, and your life overall, be a little nicer to yourself! You recognized that you were an addict and stopped drinking. That’s something to be proud of. Not being “California” sober isn’t a failure, and despite what you say, there’s no evidence that your views aren’t worthy of trust. If your instincts were as terrible as you say, you’d still be telling yourself that drinking worked for you.

Classic Prudie

I love my girlfriend. She is amazing—funny, smart, kind—but I am tired of her “friends.” She has a tiny group of friends from college who are the most dysfunctional group of women I have ever met. They basically brag about their mental illnesses and wear their “disabilities” like badges. I am sure a few have real issues, but from the stories I have heard, only two have actually seen a medical professional. The rest either self-diagnosed or have some holistic quack they found online.