Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Good Job,
There has been an ongoing rivalry between two women at my workplace, “Debby” and “Barbara.” Recently, it’s taken an ugly turn.
Debby has begun an affair with Barbara’s husband (he works in our company, but in a different department). I know because I work in security, and one of the cameras picked them up “getting cozy” in a conference room. Should I say something to Barbara, or just stay out of this one?
—People Don’t Understand That Cameras Are Everywhere
Dear People Don’t Understand That Cameras Are Everywhere,
Before we get to your question, I want to thank you for this public service announcement and echo it: People, cameras are everywhere! (That’s assuming Debby and Barbara’s husband aren’t exhibitionists or risk-lovers who wanted someone to see them.) Anyway, as tempting as it is to join in the drama, you’re safer watching this triangle from the other side of a video screen.
Let’s game it out. You’re probably right that this is an affair, and that Debby is getting a thrill out of sneaking around with her rival’s husband. But it’s possible Barbara and her husband have an open relationship or are separating for other reasons. If so, telling Barbara could embarrass or upset her needlessly. It’s possible—likely even—that Debby initiated the affair to hurt Barbara and hopes someone will notice the goo-goo eyes she and Barbara’s husband are making at each other across a crowded conference room. Debby might even want someone to warn Barbara, and Debby doesn’t deserve the pleasure. Or the affair might simmer down on its own without causing lasting damage. In any case, telling Barbara what you saw risks disrupting work performance for any or all three of them.
If Debby and Barbara’s husband keep fooling around on camera, you and the rest of the security team can ask human resources to send around a staff-wide memo reminding people to keep their pants on in the conference rooms. (They’ll come up with more professional language about office-appropriate conduct.) That memo will raise more questions than it answers, but at least it’ll encourage the cheaters to get a (hotel) room.
—Laura
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