I almost called 911 the first time my girlfriend orgasmed. This can’t be normal.

How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It, 

I’ve been with my girlfriend for five months, and she does something during sex that I think warrants an evaluation by a medical professional. Every time she has an orgasm, she comes close to blacking out. The first time this happened, I was ready to call 911, but then she came to. She says it’s just a quirk of hers. I say she should get checked out just to be safe. Have you ever heard of anything like this before, and would seeing a doctor be a good idea?

—Orgasm Outages

Dear Orgasm Outages,

Sometimes, yes, fainting during sex can be an indication of a serious condition, like postural tachycardia syndrome (PoTS). I empathize with your desire to err on the side of caution. After all, watching your partner pass out during sex is scary, and you presumably care about her general health.

But keep in mind some of what might be holding her back. The U.S. health system is expensive, getting a diagnosis can take time, insurance companies are often loath to cover appointments and tests for conditions that aren’t glaringly obvious, and medical misogyny is well-documented. So, while you may feel like you’re making a simple request that your girlfriend see a doctor, there’s a reasonable chance that she’s going to encounter one or more hurdles—some of which might cost a significant amount of money.

At the end of the day, we’re talking about your girlfriend’s health and her body. Whether to pursue a check-up is her decision. You can absolutely be clear with her about how concerned you are, and ask what you could provide in terms of support in order for her to see a medical professional, but you can’t force her to go.

Dear How to Do It, 

I have a wonderful boyfriend, “Connor,” who is everything I could ask for in a partner with one exception: He is HUGE. As in, just over nine inches and girthy. I know many women would kill for something like that, but even with lots of lube, sex is uncomfortable for me. How can we make this work physically? Is there some way I can loosen myself up? Should I just grit my teeth and hope this will occur naturally from having frequent sex with Connor?

—Too Much of a Good Thing

Dear Too Much of a Good Thing,

If the real issue for you is length, the OhNut is a wonderful tool that sits around the base of the penis and prevents it from going too deep. I can recommend it based on personal experience. The makers of the OhNut have a tool called the Kiwi to address tightness that’s probably worth looking into, but I haven’t test-driven it myself. Regardless of any specialized products, having at least one really good orgasm before you attempt penetration is likely to help you loosen up.

You can also work on relaxing your pelvic floor. This might mean learning how to do kegel exercises to familiarize yourself with the sensations of contracting and relaxing, and then focusing on the relaxing portion during sex. Another method is visualizations—picture your pelvis as a bowl, your vagina as a tube, and the tube expanding. Any kind of breathing practice that helps you release tension in that area may also be useful, and stretches that loosen up your groin area could help, too. Lastly, the slower you go during the initial entry, the better your chances of comfortably accommodating his girth.

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Dear How to Do It, 

I’m 82 and finding rather than having a diminished libido, I have an increased one. It feels like I’m 18 all over again. Sex to me needs to be meaningful across the board, emotionally, physically, spiritually (not in a religious way). The problem I’m running into is finding a connection. I’m not finding that I have much in common with those near my own age. Yet there are things about being 82 that create a unique perspective, which is difficult to share with those who are younger. Any advice?

—Ready for Change

Dear Ready for Change,

I have a hunch that you spent a large chunk of your 82 years with a significant partner in a long-term relationship. That level of intense connection takes time to build. So, think about the details of what you’re looking for. Some part of that list might be predicated on having gotten to know each other over time. You can wait several dates before hopping into bed, and give the relationship time to develop some of that rapport you require.

Meanwhile, think about what you mean by “having things in common” with folks—are we talking about energy levels and libido (stuff that’s pretty relevant to the activities you can engage in together) or particular hobbies and interests? The latter would be easier to navigate by being more flexible about, say, the movies you watch or the events you go to, and provides an opportunity for each of you to expand the other’s horizons.

You also have the option to turn your erotic energy toward yourself. This might be fulfilling enough on its own, and it might simply take the edge off of your sexual appetite while you’re continuing to get to know people and searching for someone who is a good fit. Whatever you decide to do, remember that it sometimes takes a while to find a partner who matches us in all the ways that are important to us.

—Jessica

More Advice From Slate

My husband and I have been married for five years and have a 3-year-old. When we first met and started dating, the sex was fantastic and continued to be that way after the wedding until our son was born. Ever since then, it’s become harder and harder for my husband to climax, to the point where sex seems like a long, exhausting process, and not in a good way.