After my husband died, his brother expected an inheritance and asked for my car, as well. Now his family is avoiding me.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My husband died suddenly at age 71. We were married almost 40 years. He was retired and had a pension and social security, both of which went away when he died. Because of my own chronic health conditions, most of our financial planning imagined that I would die first and he would be financially secure. Man plans, God laughs. I am financially stable but must keep working to maintain my household.

My husband has two living brothers. One is financially unstable with his own health issues. Throughout our marriage, we were able to throw some significant sums and the occasional emergency money his way. I continue to do that.

The other brother seems fine but has had his own struggles. It seems that he had an expectation of an inheritance after my husband died. Is that a thing? If we had both died, there was a will that would have given each of his siblings and their children money. The day after my husband died, he and his family asked for his car. I said no, and traded in my 10 year-old car and his 11-year-old car for a new car for me. Now this family, who lives nearby, has distanced themselves from me and I only see them at the holiday gatherings. I don’t have warm fuzzy feeling for them now, but I’m wondering if I did something wrong.

—Wondering Widow

Dear Wondering Widow,

Wow! I’m marveling at the gall of a brother who would ask a new, grieving widow for her husband’s car the day after his death. That’s some chutzpah.

There’s a fair amount of ignorance about what happens when someone dies. For example, television shows have conditioned many people to believe there is an “estate reveal,” where loved ones or strangers come together to hear a reading of the will. That doesn’t often happen.

If there is a will, the named executor will start the process of managing the estate, which may include filing the will with probate court, and finding all of the assets. Eventually, once any debts incurred by the estate are paid, the executor will distribute the assets to beneficiaries named in the will. The process can take months or even years.

According to Caring.com’s 2025 survey, 76 percent of Americans don’t have a will. When someone dies intestate, or without a will, assets must be probated and a court decides who gets what, and manages the distribution of assets according to state law. If the decedent has minor children, then the court will decide who will have custody of those minor children and who will manage any assets left for their care.

So, back to you. Did you do something wrong? Not from where I sit. In your case, your late husband has two living brothers, each of whom are struggling. While the one brother may have thought your late husband’s will left him something, asking for his car the day after he died makes me think he isn’t at all concerned about you. Telling him no was the easiest and best thing you could have done. The fact that they’ve essentially cut off ties indicates there perhaps wasn’t as much to the relationship as your husband may have imagined.

It’s kind of you to continue to support the other brother, although if you can’t afford it once you retire, you could walk that back a bit. Since you have been financially supporting him for a longer period, it would be thoughtful to give him some warning, so he can make other arrangements.

Dear Pay Dirt,

Near where I live, there’s a beautiful woodland area where I regularly walk my dogs. It’s a protected site, part of a former mining zone that’s now been reclaimed by nature. The terrain is unique and scenic—full of bumps, hills, small cliffs, and shaded by mature trees. According to local regulations, it’s off-limits to activities like motocross, which are both dangerous and disruptive.

Unfortunately, some local riders seem to ignore this. Despite complaints from residents, the local council has shown little interest in enforcement. So, I’ve taken a bit of initiative. Using fallen trees (brought down by storms or age—not cut by me), I’ve placed them across some of the popular trails. They’re always placed in visible spots, so as not to cause accidents, but the idea is to break up the speed and rhythm of motocross riders, discouraging them from using the trails altogether. Anecdotally, it seems to be working: the forest is much more peaceful now

However, here’s my dilemma. These barriers also inconvenience other legitimate users of the forest—like mountain bikers and possibly even fellow walkers. While the trees can still be stepped over or climbed over (no athletic feats required), I acknowledge it creates a disruption. My wife thinks I should stop and restore the paths. I’m torn between trying to protect the forest’s character and peace, and respecting all users’ access.

So: should I clear the trails again? Or is a little passive resistance justified in the name of preserving this quiet place?

—Unofficial Warden of the Forest

Dear Unofficial Warden of the Forest,

I’m with your wife. Stop what you’re doing and return the trails to their former, natural state.

I’m not an attorney, but you may be running afoul of several types of laws in the name of keeping the trails “peaceful.” If this is public land, placing obstacles on trails could constitute vandalism or interference with public property, even using “natural” materials. You might also be exposing yourself to a liability claim, if someone gets injured because of these barriers, which are intentionally placed. Many jurisdictions have specific laws against blocking trails or public pathways, regardless of good intentions. And finally, taking enforcement into your own hands when official authorities exist (even ineffective ones) can sometimes violate laws about interfering with governmental functions.

You’re better off taking video or images of people who are misusing the trail and pressing the local council to regulate trails more actively. You might also approach, and offer to work with, local environmental groups about preserving the peaceful nature of the trail system. Can a system be developed where certain hours of specific days or weeks are reserved for motocross activities? Finally, can you work with the local authorities to put up better signage so that everyone knows the rules, regulations and fines that could be assessed?

While the woodland area is clearly worth protecting, actively harming the trails in the name of protecting the environment could put you in serious legal jeopardy. Try to find another way to achieve the same, peaceful result.

—Ilyce

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