What my mother-in-law did put our child at serious risk. My husband blames me.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My mother-in-law, “Patricia,” is a recovering alcoholic with six years of sobriety. Recently, my sister needed me to take her and my 1-year-old nephew to an appointment with his pediatrician (her car was in the shop and her husband was at work). I left my 3-year-old son, “Harry,” with Patricia.

While I was with my sister, I received a call from a neighbor. She had been walking her dog when she came across Harry wandering the neighborhood in tears. He told her that “Grandma won’t wake up.” She took him home and found Patricia passed out. A nearly empty Scotch bottle (which had been a gift from a client to my husband; we don’t drink and were planning to re-gift it) was on the floor. My neighbor called 911, and then she called me. Patricia had to remain hospitalized for two days with alcohol poisoning.

Now my husband is blaming me for not hiding the Scotch “properly,” given that I know his mother’s history. The bottle was in our pantry behind the cereal boxes! The top of the bottle was visible, but it wasn’t exactly conspicuous, and honestly, it never occurred to me to “hide” it. And while it’s tragic that his mother had a relapse and became seriously ill as a result of it, it could have been even more of a tragedy for our son, outdoors alone looking for help, and that isn’t registering with him. Patricia has been extremely apologetic, but considering what happened, I don’t want her watching Harry on her own anymore. My husband says I am trying to “punish” his mother for what happened. As far as he’s concerned, it will never again be an issue since we don’t usually keep alcohol in the house. Am I going too far?

—A Terrible Time to Fall Off the Wagon

Dear Terrible Time,

There’s too much I don’t know for me to make a ruling about whether forever banning Patricia as a sitter is “going too far.” Since she was the one you turned to in a non-emergency situation to sit for your 3-year-old, I’m guessing that she has three years of reliability and trustworthiness behind her. You’re in a much better position than I to determine whether what happened is an anomaly. (Your husband’s argument—that it won’t/can’t happen again because you won’t have alcohol in the house in the future—is specious.)

The bigger issue here, I think, is that your husband blames you for what happened. This is not a healthy or reasonable reaction. (I suspect that it’s a learned one; that rationalizing his mom’s drinking and blaming it on others was once a coping mechanism.) It’s also a problem that he is now angry with you for “punishing” his mom—as is, obviously, his failure to take seriously the jeopardy his mother put your son in.

The two of you need to deal with all this contention now. If you can’t talk honestly about what happened without fighting (or talking past each other), get some help. As to having your mother-in-law babysit, I’d give it some time. In other words, for now and the immediate future, do not leave your child with her (you don’t need to make a big announcement about it; just don’t do it). See how things go. You can revisit this decision later.

If your husband can’t get behind this plan, continue the discussion in the presence of a marriage counselor.

—Michelle

More Advice From Slate

Is there such a thing as taking too many pictures of your kids? My husband, who is a great father, is really fanatical about taking photos of our only child, a 3-year-old girl. He takes pictures of her CONSTANTLY. He thinks it’s important to document every day, so he’ll take a minimum of 10 photos daily, along with a few short videos.