With social media scrutinizing everyone’s every move, especially for women, motherhood has probably never been more under a microscope. And some recent studies show that it’s having major impacts on moms’ mental health.
But while millennial mothers are definitely struggling, Gen Z moms are finding parenthood even more challenging than their older counterparts, especially when it comes to some key issues modern parents face. There’s no shortage of online discourse about the overwhelming load of parenting and especially motherhood these days, and recent data shows it is wreaking havoc on moms’ mental health.
A study by Columbia University and the University of Michigan, released in May, tracked nearly 200,000 mothers from 2016 to 2023 and had some startling findings. In 2016, 1 in 20 mothers rated their mental health as “poor;” by 2023, that had skyrocketed to 1 in 12. Dads, on the other hand, were doing much better: Just 1 in 22 rated their mental health as “poor.”
And while the isolation of the pandemic was part of the picture, researchers found that it was bigger, more long-standing problems like the unequal workload between moms and dads, lack of adequate parental leave, economic uncertainty, and soaring costs that were the main reasons for the steep decline in maternal mental health.
Most moms feel pressure to be the ‘perfect’ parent, but it’s hitting Gen Z hardest.
A survey conducted by parenting website What To Expect gives Columbia and U of M’s findings even more context. After polling more than 3,200 moms, What To Expect found that while this parenting anxiety is hitting both millennials and Gen Z moms hard, it’s taking a larger toll on Gen Z.
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Huge proportions of moms said they feel pressured to be the “perfect” parent, a thing that, of course, does not exist. Nevertheless, 83% of Gen Z moms said they’re striving for a perfect 10 motherhood score, compared to 77% of millennials. And when it comes to the various attributes that supposedly make up the “perfect” mom, Gen Z is struggling with all but two of them more than their millennial counterparts, too.
1. Keeping kids busy with lots of activities
The modern trend of kids having to be constantly occupied, rather than being left to play and explore solo, is hitting Gen Z moms quite a bit harder than millennials: 48% versus 34%, showing a marked difference in how much time and energy Gen Zers are requiring themselves to spend entertaining and engaging their little ones.
2. Ensuring kids have plenty of free time
Making sure kids have as much open-ended time for all those activities is a huge concern, too, and it’s stressing out 39% of Gen Z moms, compared to 30% of millennial moms.
3. Ensuring tech-free time for children
Of course, the good old screen time debate rears its head once again. And while all moms are worried about their kids spending too much time, What to Expect found it’s surprisingly an even larger worry for the “digital natives” of Gen Z: 50% versus 41% of millennials
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4. Managing the planning, scheduling, and coordination for the family
This is, of course, the often-forgotten part of the unequal load moms tend to bear when it comes to the work of running the home and managing the children. It’s not just the vacuuming and diaper changes, but the mental work involved in keeping the family running as well. Once again, Gen Z is struggling more than millennials, 51% versus 42%.
5. Being open to child(ren) exploring their own identity
Millennials were perhaps the pioneers of letting kids simply discover who they are rather than placing cultural, social, or religious expectations on them, like previous generations. But for Gen Z, which is even more forward-thinking about these issues than their millennials siblings, the pressure is more intense, with 53% worrying about this versus 45% of millennials.
6. Prioritizing family over themselves
Here we have arguably the biggest factor in moms’ declining mental health, and it seems millennial moms are a lot better at setting boundaries and making room for self-care than Gen Z moms are: 33% of millennial moms reported struggling with this, versus 41% of Gen Z.
7. Teaching kids to adapt easily to setbacks and difficulties
Raising adaptable, resilient kids is a huge priority these days, but it’s even more so for Gen Z moms. One of the consistent issues that mental health experts have noticed with Gen Zers as they reach adulthood is a tendency toward anxiety likely caused, at least in part, by their parents having done too much for them and eroded their opportunities to learn from mistakes and grow in self-sufficiency. So it’s perhaps unsurprising that nearly two-thirds of Gen Z moms worry about instilling this in their own children, versus 58% of millennials.
Some experts believe this added stress is related to Gen Z growing up with social media scrutiny.
Having spent such an enormous proportion of their lives with the internet being commonplace, Gen Zers have essentially grown up in a fishbowl, coming of age on social media in an environment that is often described as a sort of panopticon: Everyone is watching everyone, and no one can get away with anything.
Dr. Sheri Lusskin, a perinatal psychiatrist at Mount Sinai Medical Center and member of the What to Expect Medical Review Board, said this is likely part of why Gen Z moms are struggling so much more than millennials.
“Younger parents who have grown up in the age of social media are used to having their every move discussed and critiqued, and that’s no different for parenting,” she told What to Expect. “It’s consistent with people living in a world of social media, where their every gesture is recorded and shared, and every behavior elicits a comment from someone.”
Not only does social media seem to be making Gen Z moms more anxious, but it also seems to be eroding the thing that many moms told What to Expect is among their biggest problems: the decline of the “village” that moms have always relied on for help.
Mom-shaming has been a thing for as long as mother has, of course, but it’s on a whole other level today. And Dr. Lusskin says the key to navigating it is remembering one essential truth: Perfection isn’t real. “You don’t have to be perfect — you have to be good enough,” Dr. Lusskin said. And with all we know about parenting these days compared to earlier generations, “good enough” is already far better than it ever used to be.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
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