There is only one right way of managing money in a relationship. Everyone else is doing it wrong.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

I often read here and elsewhere that, when there is a disparity in income within a couple, they should split expenses proportionally to their incomes. But this does not work at all! If I make twice as much money as my partner, when we split proportionally, my partner will have half as much money left over than me once the common expenses are taken care of.

This becomes even more absurd as the disparity increases. So I’ll have much more money to spend on myself than my partner. Depending on the amounts involved, we will end up in a situation where I can afford all sorts of fun and live carefree while my partner is effectively living paycheck to paycheck and has to beg for money every time something unexpected happens!

I think It’s time people understand that if you live with a partner, then you need to actually treat them as a partner. In a longterm relationship, if you are not comfortable splitting what you earn in half, then perhaps you should split up? What do you think?

—Fixed-Percentage Is Still Unfair

Dear Fixed-Percentage Is Still Unfair,

I think there are a lot of ways to share expenses. To your point, when my husband and I got married, he earned three times as much as I did. But I had some stock and meager savings and we just threw it all into the pot, set up joint accounts, and managed what we had together. There were years where he earned more and then I had some big wins. Over the decades, we think it has come out about even, but we stopped counting a long time ago.

It worked for us, but for couples starting out with a giant mismatch, it can make sense to pay proportionately. And, there are other ways to make up the difference. If one person’s income is substantial enough, they could graciously pick up all of the housing expenses, food, utilities, trips, dinners out, and the cost of the health club or house cleaner.

Being romantic partners doesn’t automatically mean you’re ready to join financial forces. Understanding what something costs and how much someone is willing and able to pay is important. But true partnership means you recognize financial and emotional limitations and can communicate effectively to find a solution that feels fair to all parties.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I am about to go through a divorce. It is a mutual decision and (mostly) amicable.

In my 15-year marriage, I was the higher earner until last year when I left the full-time workforce to help care for my parents. They have since passed away and left a nice inheritance of about $1 million.

I am trying to find a full-time job with benefits. But at the present moment, I can’t fully support myself. Even when I do get a new full-time job, things will be extremely tight. I haven’t lived paycheck-to-paycheck in over a decade.

How do I approach my new life and lifestyle, and what/how should I plan to do with my inheritance? Should I buy a piece of property outright so there are no crazy interest rates or mortgage expenses and I can manage the monthly expenses on my paycheck? Or should I pay off my car lease, rent an apartment, and pay myself a stipend from the inheritance to cover expenses? Should I live in a lower income bracket and only tap the funds for emergencies? There are so many ways to go!

—Broke Again Soon?

Dear Broke Again Soon,

There are two things in life you can’t buy more of: time and good health. You took a break from your career to care for your parents as they declined. That was a very good use of your time and money, and I hope you don’t regret it.

While the job market is slower than it was, you’ve now got a cushion to help support you. Keep that $1 million separate from your marital assets, by which I mean do not put any of it into an account co-owned by your soon-to-be ex-spouse. This is your inheritance, and it shouldn’t factor into the division of your marital assets.

Here’s something else to think about: You’re not broke. Your parents made sure of that. So feel free to tap into that cushion to help make things more comfortable as you set up your new life. Over the next year, you’ll be able to afford necessities like health insurance, rent, food, and transportation while you look for a new job.

Whenever a big, negative life change occurs (like divorce, job loss, serious illness, or the death of a spouse, family member, or close friend), it’s helpful to step back and give yourself time to recover. Don’t put pressure on yourself to buy a home right now. Instead, give yourself permission to grieve your parents and your marriage, reorganize your life, and start fresh.

When you have a new job, and are settled into your new life, you can start looking for a home to buy. Use some of your inheritance for a down payment and invest the rest in some cheap index mutual funds earmarked for retirement.

—Ilyce

More Money Advice From Slate

I’ve been helping a family member sort through some big issues (substance abuse, etc.). He makes good money but wastes most of it—he lives paycheck to paycheck and hasn’t set aside anything for retirement, emergency savings, or basically anything else. Worse, in one of our recent conversations, he mentioned that he hasn’t paid any taxes in about a decade.