How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I thought penises couldn’t change size or shape, but my husband has been experiencing a noticeable change in his over the last few years: it used to be perfectly straight, but now it’s … curving.
This mostly happens when he gets erect. He has been increasingly concerned about it. The trouble is, sex has become MUCH more pleasurable with him for me since this little change came about, and a selfish part of me is hoping it’s nothing that requires treatment. Is what he has experienced simply a part of getting older for some men (he is in his early 50s), or does he need to see a urologist?
—Crazy for the Curve
Dear Crazy for the Curve,
At the risk of unbending your curve and straightening out your crazy, your husband should see a urologist. This could be Peyronie’s disease, a condition in which built-up scar tissue can cause a bend in the penis. Age is a factor in its onset. It’s not always clear why it happens, but it’s sometimes suspected to be due to some kind of injury like the bending of the penis during sex. It can be painful and worsen over time. The curve that’s hitting your spot now may not be at the same trajectory in time, even if your husband doesn’t get treatment. Peyronie’s can also result in a loss of length and girth, as well as affect function. Right now you are having a Goldilocks moment with your husband’s dick, but the thing about Goldilocks is that she couldn’t stay in one place for too long. I think you’d agree that you want his penis to function in the long term even if it means giving up your current bliss.
Treatments include medical interventions (pills and/or injections) and traction therapy, which may bend the penis out of the curve. Surgery is also used in extreme cases. It’s true that his penis may stay at its current curve forever, but I don’t think it’s worth risking, especially if your husband is concerned. The toll this could take on his mental health alone makes it something that needs medical attention.
That said, now that you know the angle at which your spot is hit, you could at least invest in a curved dildo to hit it on your own (or with his manual participation). It’s great when our partner’s parts fit us just right but failing that, at least we have the advances of modern technology and their application on our sex toys.
—Rich
More Advice From Slate
My partner gave me head the first time we had sex but did not do so ever again, even though I continued to give him oral regularly. I brought it up in a, “Will I ever get head again” manner and he kind of brushed it off like, “I gave it to you before.” With the second hookup, he did it for about 30 seconds, stopped, and then moved on. I guess I’m concerned that I smell or taste bad down there. Should I just ask my partner? Eat more watermelon? Take a cue from how my pee smells? Help!
