I am SWEATING after this song
Look, I didn’t really think I’d be up at the crack of dawn breaking down Taylor Swift’s new album like it was game-film. Frankly, I’m not in the mood this morning given the Red Sox looked like a JV team last night and blew a series.
I also haven’t listened to a Taylor Swift song since 2014, so I ain’t exactly OutKick’s beat writer on all things Taylor Swift. Not my lane. Not my wheelhouse.
EXCEPT, of course, when she starts pumping out lyrics like the ones you’re about to read. When T-Swift turns horny, my antenna goes up. I knew this was coming given the fact that she was half-naked on her new album cover, and our girl didn’t disappoint.
Let’s go ahead and get to the film! Here’s Taylor Swift’s new song on her brand-new Life of a Showgirl album.
It’s called, “Wood.”
Wood!
Taylor Swift ain’t country anymore
Oh my. Look what the Gen-Zers have turned our girl into! This is the same Taylor Swift that used to sing about her high school love story and teardrops on her guitar and white horses.
And now, she’s talking about Travis Kelce opening her thighs and using his magic wand on her. My God. She even mentioned a “hard rock” and used the word “cocky” 14 times.
We gotcha, Taylor. We hear you loud and clear!
Oh, you don’t know for sure that this is about her and Travis banging like rabbits? Think AGAIN!
“New Heights of manhood.” Yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and assume Taylor’s referring to Travis Kelce there – NOT Jason Kelce. I guess we can’t know for sure, though.
And yes – that is a screenshot from my phone. I told you I was up at 6 a.m. listening to this X-rated, softcore porn BS from Taylor Swift. You bet your ass I was. No shame. I have a job to do. The Sox lost last night. Life goes on.
And yes, Swifties, I know there is some sort of call-back from Swift here to a stupid Ariana Grande fan post from years ago. I don’t care about that. If you want actual Taylor Swift breakdowns, go over to USA Today or some Lib site like that.
I break down the horny lyrics and album covers. That’s all. You’re welcome!
