A Massachusetts woman who battled ALS is going out in her own words. Linda Murphy has become a posthumous viral sensation for a tongue-in-cheek self-obituary that has been published locally and nationally.
Murphy, who was raised in Framingham and lived in Boylston, not only wrote her own obituary, but she also picked out her own casket, chose the music at her funeral, and planned a dance party in her own honor.
The “life of the party”
“She was the life of the party. She was the party,” said her daughter, Justine Hastings, with a laugh. “One of my favorite comments was, ‘I just read this, and I just wish I could have had a glass of wine with her.”
Murphy passed away following a battle with Bulbar ALS. She had been unable to speak for about a year. When she first felt symptoms such as slurred speech and trouble swallowing, she went to the doctors at Massachusetts General Hospital with a request.
“(She) said, ‘I have ALS. Prove me wrong.’ And they did every single test, and she diagnosed herself,” said Hastings, “That is the most ‘my mom’ thing she has ever done.”
An obituary that went viral
Murphy was also diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012 and survived. The journey not only pushed her daughter to become a nurse, but it also prompted Linda to write a book about her battle. The tongue-in-cheek book, titled “F-Off Cancer,” was written to show that people can still have a fun life while battling cancer. Her obituary carries some of that same humor.
“She starts the obituary, ‘Well, if you are reading this, then it looks like I am dead. Wow. It actually happened. I died of FOMO due to complications of ALS,” Hastings read from the start of her mom’s obituary before skipping down to this part: “I lived my life with two superpowers. My first of which everyone was jealous of, was that I could drink as much as I wanted and never seemed to get hungover. The real wonder is why I didn’t die of liver failure.”
As friends, family and strangers alike read her self-tribute, they began to connect with a woman trapped in her own body, looking to go out on her own terms. Murphy wrote the obituary about six months ago when she could still type with her hands. By the end, she could only sign a few hand signals. She wrote about that trapped feeling in her obituary.
“My stupid Bulbar ALS got me to the sad point of not being able to talk. Never speaking means never being able to say, ‘I love you!’ It means not being able to call my Mr. BoJangles over for a snack, and it means not being able to order at the Dunkin’ drive through,” she wrote. “As far as eating, it totally stinks to sit at the table while people around you are eating juicy burgers hot off the grill, heaping piles of Chinese food, a healthy portion of pasta Alfredo, or Chipotle — and I just have to smile and act like I’m enjoying my bowl of puréed baby mush!”
Though she handled it with humor, Hastings said that feeling of being trapped was a real struggle for her mom.
“The hardest thing up until the end is that people would say she looks so amazing. ‘Oh, you look great! You’re smiling! You’re not sick! You’re okay! But behind closed doors, the struggle was so real,” Hastings said.
Buy scratch tickets, not flowers
In her obituary, Murphy told people to be kind – and not to buy her flowers.
“Please be kind to everyone: the telemarketer, the grocery clerk, the Dunkin’s staff, the tailgater, your family, your friends. Speak nicely and positively. Is there really ever a reason to be negative? I don’t think so…”
“PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t waste money on flowers,” she wrote. “Buy a bunch of scratch tickets and give them out to strangers along your way. Make people happy, that is the best way that you can honor my memory.”
It is something she used to do while she was alive and a tradition her family says they will continue in her honor.
Murphy had her brain and spinal cord donated for ALS research. You can read her full obituary here.
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