We live in a world where women are praised for being “strong” and “resilient.” On the outside, it looks like they’ve got it together—juggling careers, families, friendships, and everything in between. But here’s the truth: strength can sometimes mask exhaustion.
I’ve seen it in my own circles—women smiling through clenched teeth, showing up for everyone else while quietly running on empty. And maybe you’ve felt it yourself: that tug between appearing fine and actually being okay.
Burnout doesn’t always announce itself with a dramatic breakdown. More often, it slips in quietly, disguised as everyday habits and coping strategies. That’s why it’s so easy to miss.
If you’ve been wondering whether you—or someone you love—might be silently struggling, here are nine subtle signs to look out for.
1. She laughs everything off
Humor can be a brilliant coping tool. It allows us to soften the heaviness of life and connect with others. But when every struggle is brushed aside with a joke or a quick laugh, it may be less about joy and more about deflection.
I once caught myself laughing while telling a friend, “Oh, I barely slept all week, but who needs rest, right?” The truth was, I was completely depleted. That kind of humor isn’t lighthearted—it’s a shield.
Psychologists call this “masking,” and it often prevents deeper conversations. Friends and coworkers hear the joke and move on, never realizing there’s pain beneath the surface. If you pay close attention, you’ll notice the humor doesn’t quite land as joy—it lands as avoidance. And avoidance is one of burnout’s favorite hiding spots.
2. She’s always “too busy”
Ever notice how some women keep their calendars packed to the brim? Work meetings, social gatherings, errands, volunteer work—anything to stay in motion.
On the surface, it looks like ambition. But sometimes busyness is just burnout in disguise. When you’re constantly running from one task to another, there’s no space left to sit with uncomfortable feelings. Busyness becomes a distraction from reality.
As Rudá Iandê notes in Laughing in the Face of Chaos, “the more we try to escape or numb the chaos within, the more powerful the currents become.” His words hit me hard because I used to fill every spare hour just to avoid slowing down. Stillness can feel scary when your emotions are screaming for attention.
Here’s the paradox: the very thing that looks like high functioning is often a sign that someone is hanging on by a thread. She’s not thriving—she’s outrunning herself.
3. Her sleep patterns are all over the place
Sleep is often the first casualty of burnout. She may collapse into bed early but wake at 3 a.m. with racing thoughts. Or she may stay up late scrolling, dreading the next day.
Sleep disruption doesn’t just mean feeling groggy in the morning. It means her nervous system is stuck in overdrive. Even when her body begs for rest, her mind refuses to shut off.
I’ve been there—lying in bed, exhausted but wired, rehearsing tomorrow’s to-do list over and over. For women pretending to be fine, poor sleep becomes the quiet evidence that something is off.
Research consistently links burnout to insomnia, and left unchecked, it creates a vicious cycle. The less she sleeps, the more drained she becomes—and the harder it gets to admit she’s struggling. Burnout thrives in that silence.
4. She avoids talking about herself
Have you ever noticed how some women are brilliant at steering the spotlight away from themselves? Ask how they’re doing and suddenly you’re talking about your own life instead.
This isn’t just politeness. It’s self-protection. Talking about herself might open the door to emotions she’s not ready to face. So she avoids vulnerability and instead turns the conversation back to you.
It’s easy to mistake this for being “selfless” or “a great listener.” But if you scratch beneath the surface, it’s often a way of hiding. Pretending to be “fine” feels safer than admitting she’s not.
This is one of the trickiest signs because it often looks like strength. But avoidance, in this case, is exhaustion wearing a polite smile.
5. She downplays her struggles
A woman might casually mention, “I’ve just been a little tired lately,” when in reality she’s hanging on by a thread. Or she might frame serious stress as “just one of those things.”
This isn’t denial—it’s survival. Admitting the full weight of her exhaustion feels overwhelming, so she minimizes it. Unfortunately, the more she downplays, the more isolated she becomes. Others assume she doesn’t need help, and the cycle of silence continues.
This is where Rudá Iandê’s insight rings true: “When we let go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves to live fully—embracing the mess, complexity, and richness of a life that’s delightfully real.” I’ve noticed how often women feel pressure to be “low-maintenance,” as though asking for support is a flaw.
But constant minimization is not strength—it’s a quiet cry for support.
6. Her body carries the weight
Burnout rarely stays in the mind. It makes its home in the body: tension headaches, tight shoulders, stomach issues, unexplained aches.
I once went through months of stress that showed up as constant migraines. It took me ages to realize my body was trying to tell me what my mouth wouldn’t say: “You’re not okay.”
Experts in somatic psychology emphasize that our bodies speak for us when we won’t. A woman insisting she’s fine while constantly battling physical symptoms isn’t lying—she may genuinely not connect the dots yet. But the body rarely lies.
A recent Swedish study found that people with high burnout report many somatic symptoms—headaches, back pain, stomach problems, trouble sleeping—far more often than people without burnout.
When physical pain becomes routine and excuses like “just stress” or “nothing serious” get repeated, it’s worth asking whether burnout has taken root.
7. She withdraws socially
On paper, she’s still present—she shows up at gatherings, sends birthday texts, maybe even posts on social media. But her engagement is surface-level. Conversations feel flat. She’s there, but she’s not really there.
Emotional burnout can make even lighthearted interactions feel draining. So while she might maintain appearances, she may quietly dread every social obligation.
The irony? Many women fear that pulling back entirely will “let people down.” So they perform presence while secretly longing for solitude.
Withdrawal doesn’t always look like disappearing. Sometimes it looks like her being “fine” in public and collapsing in private the moment she gets home.
8. She relies on small escapes
Wine at night. Endless streaming binges. Scrolling until her eyes blur. None of these things are inherently bad. But when they become daily rituals, it often signals deeper fatigue.
As one therapist explained in a seminar I attended, avoidance often masquerades as relaxation. What looks like “self-care” may actually be numbing.
When the coping strategies pile up—snacks, wine, social media, shopping—it’s not indulgence. It’s a quiet attempt to silence the exhaustion she doesn’t want to admit.
Burnout doesn’t always scream—it whispers through little habits that add up over time. Pay attention to what she reaches for at the end of the day. It’s often the clue to what she’s avoiding.
9. She’s overly accommodating
Have you met women who always say yes, always bend, always prioritize others? From the outside, it looks generous. But inside, it can feel suffocating.
I’ve been there myself—saying yes to everyone else while my own needs went unmet. What I learned, painfully, is that people-pleasing often stems from emotional exhaustion. It’s easier to comply than to argue.
As Iandê reminds us, “Being human means inevitably disappointing and hurting others, and the sooner you accept this reality, the easier it becomes to navigate life’s challenges.” A woman constantly saying yes isn’t thriving—she’s running on autopilot.
Over-accommodation may look like compassion, but in reality, it’s a signal she’s too tired to hold boundaries. And boundaries are what keep burnout at bay.
Final thoughts
Burnout doesn’t always look like collapse. Sometimes it looks like a woman smiling, joking, and assuring everyone she’s fine—while quietly unraveling inside.
The danger in ignoring these signs is that burnout compounds. The longer it goes unacknowledged, the harder it is to recover. That’s why awareness is so powerful.
If you see yourself in these patterns, know this: you’re not weak, and you’re not alone. Burnout is not a personal failing—it’s a human experience.
Start small. Rest without guilt. Speak honestly, even if your voice shakes. And most importantly, remember this: you don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is to admit that you’re not.
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