Illustration: Marylu Herrera
This week, a woman visits New York for a short romance with an ethically nonmonogamous man: 30, single, Los Angeles.
DAY ONE
5:50 a.m. My alarm goes off, reminding me it’s time to hit Barry’s for Abs & Ass.
6:30 a.m. Barry’s is filled with hot gay guys today. I power through the workout.
7:20 a.m. I buy a smoothie and run into a few friends as I leave. One of them wants to set me up on a blind date. I tell her it’s okay — “I’m good.” I drive home to get ready for work.
7:25 a.m. Text from Nate, a man in London whom I met on Feeld. He tells me he’s been thinking about me all day. The time difference between London and L.A. is harsh, but we deal. The texts are usually hot, even though this one is boring.
8:30 a.m. Decide to text Nate a treat. I take off all my clothes, get my vibrator, and send him a little video.
10 a.m. At the office in Beverly Hills, my phone buzzes with a call from a casting director who needs a client ASAP.
2 p.m. Nate is ENM, and he texts back that my video set off a pretty hot session between him and his girlfriend. Good to know I’m inspiring romance overseas.
7 p.m. Dinner with my girlfriends. We dive into martinis, and I spill the dirty details about Nate. They eat it up.
9 p.m. I’m drunk in bed. I scroll through Feeld in New York, where I’ll be tomorrow. I match with a cute guy named Alex. Through Feeld Constellations, which lets you link your profile to another person’s, I see he’s connected to some other girl. His profile says they play separately and together. I think, Separate, plz, and message him exactly that.
DAY TWO
6:30 a.m. I groggily wake up and start packing. Checking the New York forecast, and it’s sunny and in the 70s!
11:30 a.m. Check Feeld on the plane. Alex messages me, and we start a flirty conversation. He wants to meet me while I’m in town.
3 p.m. Land in NYC, and I’m welcomed by a mix of city noise and honking. I drop my bags off at my hotel, freshen up, and shoot Alex a message. He’s free tonight. Perfect.
7 p.m. Dinner with an old college friend in the East Village. We have some wine and talk about work and relationships. I mention Alex, and she says she’s jealous of my sex life.
9 p.m. Alex decides on a bar in the West Village known for its dim lighting and strong cocktails.
10 p.m. He arrives first and texts me that he’s at the bar. He’s unmissable: tall, confident, casually charming. He tells me he works in private equity, and I explain what it means to be a talent agent.
11:30 p.m. Conversation gets a little deeper, a little flirtier. I’m suddenly very much aware of the NYC late-night atmosphere. He puts his hand on my leg, and I’m feeling it. He gets up to go to the bathroom, and when he comes back, he leans down to kiss me. When he asks if we should go to his place, I say, “Come back to my hotel.”
12 a.m. Things heat up fast. He says we’re going to play by his rules tonight, and I like it. He pulls me close, then, in a deep voice, he tells me to get on my knees. I’m already addicted to how confidently he guides me. I obey, putting his cock in my mouth the moment he asks. Eventually, we have sex, and it’s everything.
3 a.m. He leaves, and I’m a little buzzed and a lot satisfied. My New York trip is off to a great start.
DAY THREE
7 a.m. Alex starts work early. He sends me a photo from his office with a coffee cup in one hand and his other on his bulge. “I can’t wait to be back inside you,” he writes. I picture him surrounded by multiple screens filled with market forecasts but thinking of me.
I also think about the fact that he’s partnered but clearly doesn’t like to talk about it. All I know is that he said the way they’ve agreed to see other people is to really compartmentalize everything. In any case, I smile at the message and drift back to sleep.
9:30 a.m. Waking up slowly and still dreaming of last night. I’m supposed to meet a college friend for brunch, so I hop in the shower and get ready.
11 a.m. At brunch at this cute spot in Soho. I tell my friend about how Alex fucked me against the window in my hotel and it rocked my world.
1:30 p.m. Wander around Soho, browsing shops and slipping into art galleries between checking work emails.
2:45 p.m. A last-minute client-partnership request comes in, so I quickly take the subway (which I hate) to return to the office to look through the contract. While I’m deep in legalese, I get a text from Nate asking how my trip’s going. I casually mention Alex without getting too detailed, and Nate responds with a few cheeky texts that turn me on. It’s a nice distraction from the work grind, even just for a few minutes.
7 p.m. I head back to the hotel, feeling the pull of a quiet night in. I settle onto the bed, flicking through things to watch on Apple. Part of me considers texting Alex or maybe going out to meet someone new. But no, this is exactly what I need.
DAY FOUR
8 a.m. Order room service and enjoy the city view from my hotel room.
10 a.m. Meet one of my guy friends at a Solidcore class in the West Village.
12:30 p.m. Grabbing lunch with a celebrity client … no one notices her, so that’s good.
3 p.m. Alex texts asking if I’m free tonight. I’ve got plans with friends but tell him I might be around later. He sends a winking emoji and says he’ll keep his night open.
5 p.m. My phone lights up with a call from a client, an actor with a scheduling crisis. I put everything else on pause to smooth things out. I feel the usual adrenaline kick in.
7 p.m. Dinner with colleagues at a rooftop spot. The city skyline against the sunset is stunning, and we laugh, regaling one another about our clients over cocktails.
10 p.m. I text Alex, and we decide to meet up for a nightcap. He tells me about a million-dollar decision that was made over lunch. The chemistry is still there, and I feel comfortable with him. He tells me he couldn’t stop thinking about the other night, and I tell him the same.
11:30 p.m. Back at my hotel. Things get even hotter this time — he pulls out a glass dildo he bought specifically for me. We’d briefly talked about using toys the other night. Using a glass dildo on someone is a fantasy he’s always had, and I’d mentioned I was open to it. I hesitate at first but think, Fuck it. I had to get used to it, but then it felt really, really good.
3 a.m. Before he leaves, he tells me the glass dildo is a gift, so that’s still here. I fall asleep feeling content and enchanted by the city.
DAY FIVE
10 a.m. Over coffee, I text Nate to tell him about the city. We end up swapping pictures and sexy messages. It’s light and easy.
11 a.m. Text from Alex: “Hope you slept well. My meeting canceled. Want to do brunch today?” I smile, feeling a rush of excitement. I write back, “I need two hours to work.” He says it can still work.
12 p.m. Settle in at a café to quickly tackle emails and take calls.
2 p.m. At the place Alex chose. I’m actually a little nervous. I think about Alex and me so far. Our connection feels real, but it leaves me grappling with the boundaries of ethical nonmonogamy. I am pro-ENM, but I honestly don’t have too much experience with it. I’ve been in monogamous relationships only and no super-serious relationships ever. I put on some lip gloss.
3 p.m. We’re eating and talking about work. The sexual tension between us is undeniable. Every word feels like it’s leading to something more.
5 p.m. When we’re through with brunch, which is more like dinner, Alex leans in close, his hand grazing my thigh under the table. I try to keep my cool, but I want him so much. He pays, then whispers, “Come with me,” and before I know it, he’s taking my hand and leading me down the street.
5:30 p.m. We duck into a nearby bookstore, and he pulls me into a back corner. He presses me against the wall and we start making out. The spontaneity is so fucking hot.
6 p.m. We finally part ways. He’s so mysterious, and it’s thrilling.
8 p.m. Alex texts a picture of his view from the rooftop bar he’s at. “Wish you were here,” he writes. I can’t help but laugh, knowing he’s teasing me. What is going on with us?
9:30 p.m. After several more texts from Alex, I decide to meet him out. His friends are leaving as I arrive, and I get to meet them for a second. They seem pretty normal — a good sign. We get a round of cocktails and start kissing right away.
10:30 p.m. We head back to my hotel and start fucking the second we’re in the door. Then I see a wedding ring glimmer on his finger. I was so caught up in the kissing and fucking tonight that I hadn’t noticed the ring before, and he didn’t have it on the other times. What do I do now? I knew he had a partner, but I didn’t know they were married. I feel uneasy.
1:30 a.m. I opt not to mention it. We kiss good-bye before he Ubers home.
1:35 a.m. Starting to want more time with Alex. ENM feels so complicated. I fall asleep imagining what it would be like to have Alex all to myself.
DAY SIX
7:15 a.m. It’s Friday. I lie in bed for a moment, replaying the evening with Alex, then grab my phone. I shoot him a quick text: “Good morning. Last night was … fun.” He replies almost instantly: “Let’s make tonight even better?” My heart races, and I start planning my day with that in mind.
9 a.m. After a quick coffee and a bite to eat, I head into the office to get through some work. I want to make sure I’m free and clear later.
11:20 a.m. Alex asks if I want to meet him for lunch and suggests a spot that’s a little out of the way. I agree, wondering if there’ll be any shift in my feelings now that I know he’s married. He texts, “I can’t wait to see you.”
12:30 p.m. We meet at a quiet restaurant in Soho. I’m finding it hard not to ask more questions about his partner or his wife or whatever, but it’s clear he doesn’t want to talk about it.
2 p.m. We leave the restaurant to go back to our offices, and he vaguely mentions his partner. I ask him to elaborate, and he just laughs. I feel a mix of emotions — attraction, curiosity, guilt. My heart hurts a bit.
4 p.m. Back at my hotel, I dive into my work, trying to shake off the lingering bad feeling. But my phone buzzes again. It’s him, sending a message that just says, “Thinking of you.” I stare at the screen, torn. I want him, but I’m aware of the limits.
6:30 p.m. He invites me to meet him for drinks, but I pretend to have plans.
11 p.m. Back at my hotel, I try to focus on anything but Alex, but his texts keep coming. Simple things — “What are you doing tonight instead of seeing me?” — that make my heart skip.
12 a.m. I try to sleep, wondering if what I have with Alex was meant to be just a brief connection. The experience makes me question whether I’d want to be part of an ENM arrangement like this again, where there’s not a possibility for the person I’m with to just be … mine.
DAY SEVEN
7 a.m. I wake up feeling heavy.
8 a.m. Time to pack to fly home later today. What do I do with this glass dildo? I carefully pack it in the bag I’ll check. At the same time, Alex texts, “Morning, babe. Wish I could take you to breakfast.” This morning aside, he sure has a lot of free time for a married man with a very big job. I don’t fully get it.
9:30 a.m. I eventually reply, “Maybe next time.” He texts back almost immediately: “I hope there is a next time.” I stare at my phone for a moment, unsure of how to reply.
12:30 p.m. I decide to take one last NYC walk to clear my head. I regretfully let myself think of the “what ifs” for just a moment — what if he were mine, what if we had more time, what if I were his true love, not his sexual partner?
3 p.m. I get a final message from him in the Uber to the airport: “I have to admit, it’s hard to say goodbye to you.” My heart drops at the simplicity of it. I know what he means. We’re both trying not to get too entangled, but there’s no denying the chemistry.
4:30 p.m. Once I’m through security, I send Alex a final text: “It’s been great. Really.”
He responds, “Yeah. It’s been unforgettable.”
6 p.m. Sitting at the gate, I try to relax. No new messages from Alex.
8 p.m. On the plane, I think about the past few days. New York, Alex, the feeling of being alive in a way I hadn’t expected. I try to convert it all into gratitude and enchantment.
11:05 p.m. Back in L.A., I scroll through photos from the trip, the memory still fresh. Then I decide, YOLO. I text Alex that I want him again: “Do you want to have phone sex?”
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